I’ve been struggling with blogging lately. Like not being able to finish a blog post kind of struggling. Weird, right? Because, if you don’t know me, hi and welcome! But if you do….then you know words aren’t something I struggle with, and yet, the words aren’t flowing.
Granted we have a lot going on right now, but honestly, I can’t remember a time in thirty years of marriage where we haven’t had a lot going on. Michael, my husband, has been dealing with health issues for over four years. First cancer and now an evil auto immune disease called scleroderma. Seriously evil.
It has been difficult and lonely, and until recently, we have maintained a somewhat balanced flow. Words like blocked, bottle necked, cluttered and unorganized are words that come to mind to describe how I have felt.
What is the source of my recent quiet spell? Why have the words dammed up in my throat? Why isn’t there a flow?
The answer, I’m afraid, is my closet.
Several years ago we took a small room in our home and turned it into my closet. The room measures 12×8 and even has a window. The best part? It’s mine. I don’t have to share with anyone. The beauty of it is not lost on me, and yet, I can’t seem to get my life together in the area of my closet.
I have a beautiful dressing table that belonged to Michael’s Grandmother, which I have painted, along with the matching dresser. I have wall hangers to display necklaces and belts and scarves and vintage bobbles of all sorts.
The tragedy? About four months ago it all fell down. Yes, for real, my closet fell to the floor. The weight of the hanging clothes, boot boxes and whatever else I had shoved on the top shelf all came down to land in a mixed up conveluted heap at the bottom of my closet. And friend, this isn’t the first time. I am slightly embarrassed to say it’s happened before.
Isn’t that the way life goes sometimes? We shove in corners and tamp down life issues because we’re not sure how to deal with it and eventually the weight of it comes crashing down around us. Am I right? Are you seeing it?
A few years ago when my closet fell down, I repainted the walls and wrote the chorus to one of my favorite inspirational songs on the back wall. My not quite ready to deal thinking was that if I spruced it up, gave it a face lift and threw in a positive affirmation my closet would be much more efficient.
How many times do we do that in life situations? Instead of dealing with what life is throwing at us we put it off. Often my thoughts are when things slow down I’ll get to that or let me save a bit more money then I can do something about it.
But ninety percent of the time that isn’t true. Now is the best time to make adjustments. I am lying to myself every time I shove another emotion deep down or ignore the nudging of my intuition. No matter how many affirmations I quote, if my head is in the sand, then I’m not doing the work. Nothing is getting solved.
The painted walls and positive quotes were only masking the inefficiency of the closet.
Here’s the truth. The way my closet was set up worked at one time, but that was years ago. I have changed and evolved and I didn’t make the adjustments in my closet.
I’ve been living with piles of clothes. Piles in the closet floor. Piles on the ping pong table in the game room. Piles in my bedroom. And heaps on the laundry table.
Slowly, like the life sucking blob from the 1958 self titled movie, my clothes have taken over our house. I am constantly moving clothes around to make room.
Again, as in life situations, I find we often rearrange our lives around a problem instead of dealing with whatever is causing us discomfort.
*ASIDE: I can hear some of you saying things like “get rid of some of your clothes” “maybe you have too much”. Here’s the thing, I have and I don’t spend a lot of money on clothes and I keep things. I have a pair of leggings from Tricot, that was Express before Express was Express, that are almost thirty years old. Also, I don’t dry very many things. I feel this helps them keep their shape and color. And, one last thing, I did recently get rid of a lot of items. But really, that isn’t the issue. I just wanted to clarify.
This weekend we found the perfect closet configuration for me. I have realized if things aren’t user friendly for me I am not going to implement them into my life. The solution I found will offer great hanging space and tons of shelving. I am creative visually and the shelving will help me see what I have. Keeping things in drawers doesn’t work for me. My kitchen has open shelving. It would make sense to utilize the same concept in my closet.
While we were cutting the boards for construction I was telling my husband thanks again for helping me bring this project to fruition and it hit me. If we deal with the issues in our life and set things in motion for ease of use then we have set ourselves up for success. If I clean up the closet situation and rearrange things for the way I go about creating the day’s look then if it doesn’t work it is definitely a user’s error. Which takes me full circle to my favorite tool: Self responsibility.
It is up to me to work the system I’ve created. It is up to me to do the work. My way may not be your way and that’s ok. My way may have more steps than your way, but maybe the steps are what keep me on my path.
When things get to be too much and you feel like you are rearranging piles of life, take a step back and reassess your system. Perhaps with a few tweaks here and there the clutter will dissipate and the flow will return.
It has in my situation. I am thankful for a life partner who understands the way I operate and instead of insisting I conform to a system that doesn’t work for me, he helps me create what will work for me.
Do you find you are rearranging your life around a problem? I encourage you to step back and reassess. Maybe make a list of possible solutions or of things you need in order for something to work. You are worth the effort. You are the outcome.
As soon as the new closet is put together I’ll update with a few photos.
Be you. Be beautiful. Be imperfect.