The Morning After

Wow! The morning after!!!! What the hell just happened? How to make sense of it?

This morning, the morning after. The morning after my across the street neighbor set his house on fire and walked around his front yard with a hand gun to his temple and a rifle/shotgun to his throat preventing firefighters from doing their job.

It is the morning after my husband started running across the street to help the neighbors get out of the burning house and was yelled at by police, with guns raised, to get down…our neighbor had a gun.

It is the morning after I stood on a toilet in my hall bathroom and pleaded with my neighbor through the window to please put the gun down..we can fix this.

It is also the morning after seeing the fire ascend the trees toward our trees I looked at our 8 year old grandson and told him I am scared too, but we have to be aware and be prepared to move. We were able to get him over the back fence to safety.

And lastly, it is the morning after a rapid succession of gun fire that a family is left to sort out the pieces.

Unfortunately, I have had several encounters with suicide and suicide attempts. Statistics show suicide by police is one of the most common forms of suicide. And even knowing what led my neighbor to his decision I am still left feeling unsettled. Shaken.

It is human to try to make sense of it all…..to try and process the whole dramatic effect and affect.  Why draw so much attention? Why involve so many people? Literally, 100’s of people.

But here’s the reality … Trying to make sense of an irrational situation with a rational mind is impossible. Desperate people do desperate things. If we get caught up in the what ifs, the hypothetical, we begin a descent down a hole of confusion and torment.

It wouldn’t be truthful to say there aren’t moments when my breath catches in my throat and my mind becomes confused. I anticipate more aftershocks. My fight or flight will war with one another for a bit while my body and my mind work out what happened.

So, on this morning after, as I stand at the patio door with my arms wrapped around my life partner, my soulmate, my best friend, lover and Wonder Twin…we watch a Robin feed her babies in the Catalpa tree. We focus on what we can make sense of and that is life….not as in the secret to…but as in being present in…participating in….and being actively thankful for the love and support we have for one another. When we are actively thankful there is no room for fear! It is a new day. A new opportunity. It’s the morning after….

Be you. Be beautiful. Be imperfect.

Side note: Thank you Thank you to everyone who called or texted to check on us. We hold each one of you near to our hearts.

 

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