Can a person be too self-aware?
I have been told on more than one occasion that I am very self-aware or even hyperaware. This is, in fact, a very real statement.
You see, there was a time in my life when I wasn’t aware of anything. I was so self-absorbed I couldn’t see life through anyone else’s lense. And my lense was broken.
If you asked me I would have said my lense was compassion and love and forgiveness and trust, instead there was drama and mistrust and anger and hurt. My personal development journey led me to dig deeper. I began to make big bold changes as well as several little, subtle changes and ta-da I am now hyper-aware. I joke, but I mean that in the most positive and empowering way.
Honestly, I think I have always been hyper-aware; I was just aware of the dark and sad elements of life.
Once we are aware of the patterns in our lives, we can see how we enhance the world around us, and we can begin to notice the areas we need to tweak and strengthen.
What does color have to do with it?
One such awareness pattern in my life is an awareness of color and animals. Stay with me. Over the next few months I am going to share a series of posts with you where I examine patterns of color in my life and the meanings I have found in my study.
I hope to inspire you to look at your life and be aware of patterns as they form in and around you. And I hope you begin to see, as Glenda the Good Witch said, “you’ve had the power all along.”
“It’s not easy being green.” -Kermit the Frog-
For most of my adult life green has been my favorite color. The color green can both inspire and motivate me and calm and satiate me. Additionally, several rooms in our home have at one time or another been painted avocado and even lily pad.
What goes best with the color green? Why, frogs, of course. Frogs seem like a natural companion for the color green, don’t they?
Right along with the green, there were frogs everywhere in my life. Frogs have a whimsical element, and they bring me joy. Many frog figurines can still be found throughout my house.
So why green? Why frogs?
I found that green has a strong emotional correspondence to safety. The color green is also the color associated with life, renewal, nature, and energy. Sometimes, the color green is associated with growth, harmony, freshness, safety, fertility and the environment.
When I read this, it all made so much sense. For most of my adult life, there was a continual theme of wanting to feel safe and in harmony with life. Growing up I moved A LOT. Throw in a childhood filled with drama and trauma and safety was something I didn’t recognize. Not because there was harsh abuse but more of an uncertainty of acceptance from my parents. My brother and I often felt like we were an inconvenience and not worth fixing. We both, my brother and I, continued these dynamics into adulthood.
It’s unfortunate, but it’s true.
As an adult was I now safe? Yes. Totally safe. My husband loves me very much. My children love me. I just never felt safe.
I had a horrible deep seeded abandonment issue and yet I craved life, renewal, growth, and safety.
And frogs? The frog is the caller and cleanser of the emotions. Some Amazon Tribes can predict the rain based on the song of the frog. Their songs are also considered healing and are thought to bring peace to our outer turmoil.
In researching frogs, I found that there is a particular frog that will secrete a liquid that coats the body and makes it taste bad to predators. In the book Animal Energies the author asks, Are you defensive? Is every question directed your way an attack?
Well, yes and yes, that description fit who I was at the time. Oh my goodness was I defensive. I either expected things to be my fault or I expected things to be blamed on me. I didn’t want to live this way. Oh, and I could cut people out of my life so fast. So unhealthy.
So what did I do?
I didn’t want to be the person who secreted poison to keep people away. My desire was for life and renewal and safety. I was well aware of where I was in this journey, but I needed to be clear on where I wanted to go from there.
Just simply noticing why and how I interacted with people and how I was responding to things was such a small but impactful action. I sat down with paper and pen and I’m sure a cup of coffee and I made lists of the qualities and attributes I wanted to embody and that I wanted other humans to see and recognize in me.
And then, drum roll please,….dum dum dum… I acted on them. I TOOK ACTION. When I began participating in my life with purpose and intention I was able to shift my focus to making beautiful memories with my family to replace the dark, ugly ones that stayed in the forefront of my mind.
I loved learning how the color green and a quirky frog actually represented a true narrative of my life and where I was on my journey.
Are you participating in your life? Do you crave more life and more clarity? What color is popping up in your life right now? Or maybe it’s music or a specific genre of movies or books.
I hope after reading this you become curious about your patterns or you begin to ask why about behaviors or likes. When we pay attention to our environment we can learn a lot about ourselves.
Next month we look at the color and animal that has been showing up in my life for the past five years.
Until then…be you, be beautiful, be imperfect.