I Am A Dreamer

Do you have a dream you’ve been holding on to for a while? Not the kind of dream where you are running through marshmallow while juggling chocolate chips. No, not that kind of dream. I mean, the “one day I’d love to,” or the “I’ve always wanted to” kind of dream. I am a dreamer.

A Dreamer and her dream

Since learning to read, I’ve dreamed of being an author and more specifically, an author of books. Did you know you are reading this blog post because of that dream? Contrary to how simple or romantic the process may seem, writing a book is only one of many steps on the publishing journey. 

But first, imposter syndrome

I’ve never not written, but my dream remained a dream for most of my life. Not believing in myself or in what I could offer the world kept me hiding within an ethereal dream bubble. 

Unfortunately, I’ve lived most of my life enshrouded in shame. Because of dysfunction and chaos all five of my senses had been rewired to filter through a shame motherboard. Each time I’d catch a glimpse at who I could be as an author, my shame filter would override the new confidence with, “who do you think you are?” Or, “why would people care what you have to say?” 

I know I’m not the only one who has experienced this, but the shame filter, makes me feel as if I am. Shame disguised as imposter syndrome causes disconnect. Staying connected to my dream through a continued desire to write has allowed me to slowly rewire how I see myself as an author.

A Dream Without a Plan is Just a Wish

I began mapping out a plan and setting small goals to make my dream a reality and pretty soon I was on my way. The time was going to pass anyway, why not pass the time making progress on my dream? Do you struggle with goal setting? Here is a post that may help you get started.

Soaking up writing and publishing information became my obsession. Reading books, sitting in on webinars, and watching videos is how I began spending my free time. I learned, whether an author self publishes, or goes through a literary agent, books still need to be sold. 


A dream with a plan is just a dream Dreamer

Why start a blog? 

I needed practice writing and I needed people to read my writing. In 2009 I started my first blog. I had no idea what I was doing and I think the blog lasted three posts. Five years later I started a second blog. That blog slowly developed into the blog I have today.  

I’ve written crappy stuff over the years. Trust me, I have notebooks full of stuff no one should read and yet I can’t throw the writings out. I’ve also written some really good stuff. Sometimes people comment, but most of the time I don’t hear from people and that’s okay, I keep writing. 

“I’m going to write a book someday.” Those words run on a constant loop in my brain, inspiring me and occasionally mocking me. 

Excuse Me While I Check this Box…

In March of this year I finished my first draft of my first book. Through several edits the manuscript has expanded and contracted like lungs fighting for air, fighting for life. Resolve, the title of my book, will be published before the end of the year and I couldn’t be prouder. 

Once the book is published and my dream is fulfilled of becoming a published author is it over? No, it has just begun. Now that I know I can do it and I’ve walked the gazillion steps to get here, I know I can do it again and again. 

There is a scripture in the Bible, Proverbs 13:12, it says, “Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a longing fulfilled is a tree of life.”

Hope deferred says things like, “Maybe later, one day, or if it’s meant to be it will happen.” Eventually, bitterness and resentment can set in, and the heart becomes sick. But planning and working that plan does something else.  Look at it this way, planting the dream as a seed and then watering the dream and pruning the dream, placing the dream in the right environment to receive food, water and light can only result in growth. Eventually, the longing fulfilled is a tree of life. A tree has roots and longevity. It provides shelter and shade and fruit. 

Don’t put off your dream. If you laid your dream down or perhaps it’s gone dormant, pull it out again, dust it off and get to planning. 

be you, be beautiful, be imperfect
Sam
xoxo

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Mindfulness Moment, August 12, 2019

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